New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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