i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
