Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
