I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
