Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
