she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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