Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
