I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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