You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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