It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
