I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
