Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
