Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
