Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
