Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
