next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
