I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
