I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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