Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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