Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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