I want you more than these girls want KFC
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
