I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
