remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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