Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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