HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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