There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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