I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
