Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
