Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I have tasted many bathrooms
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
