the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize