The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
