Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
