I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
