I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
