Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
