there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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