I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
