OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
