ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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