holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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