One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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