So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
