you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
