Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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