Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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