Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
