I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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