At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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