I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
