Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
