this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
