At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
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