Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
