How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she looked like the before picture.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
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