just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Randomize
