used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Is it because I queefed?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
