Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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