Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
