My friends, they love my intelligence
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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